Tag Archives: Peace

That Not so Innocent Green Eyed Monster

Two blog posts caught my attention this past week, and I can’t seem to get them out of my head. The first post was from a mom with a special needs child writing about how she is unable to like pictures posted on facebook of her friend’s children doing things that her own child will never be able to do. It was a touching, honest piece about the struggles of raising a child with unique challenges. But, while I felt for the author, her conclusions did not sit well with me.

The second piece was an equally honest post also by a mother. This mom wrote about her struggle with feelings of heartbrokenness when she saw her friends’ beautifully decorated nurseries while she raised her two kids in a cramped trailer. Due to a tough financial time, she and her husband were unable to give their kids the space and material comforts that they longed to be able to provide which left this young mom feeling inadequate and unable to rejoice with her friends who were blessed with more spacious accommodations.

I feel for these two ladies. Clearly, they love their kidos and long for them to have as “normal” lives as possible. What I cannot agree with is their conclusions that sometimes your own life is too painful to rejoice in other people’s happiness and that these feelings are some how ok. I just can’t agree. It’s good to be honest about struggles, pain and disappointments in life, but allowing a mindset of, “I can only be happy for you when things are going well for me,” is pure poison. Don’t swallow it.

Last month marks 20 years since my beautiful twin sister Allison passed away. The hurt is still so real that I often find it hard to even talk about her without tearing up. It will probably always be this way, but interestingly enough, I’ve often found healing through allowing myself to be friends with other twins. Yes, there are moments that my heart simply aches when I see twins interacting because I miss that special closeness in my own life, but I’m happy for them. My story also adds a perspective to the lives of twins that I’m privileged to meet because in a way it serves as a reminder for them to be extra thankful for their twin which some have taken for granted.

We are all asked to walk different walks and of course most people would not choose the hard path if given a choice. So many couples passionately declare the vows, “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health,” but do we really mean it? When financial struggles actually hit or one partner’s health mars the dream of a perfect happy-ever-after, too many times divorce follows. The vows were empty syllables. Someone leaves, seeking their happiness elsewhere, claiming that this wasn’t the life they signed up for even though they had previously vowed to stick it out.

Hard times are a reality. It’s unrealistic to expect a fairytale life in a world that is broken by sin. This is why we need people to walk through life with us and not alienate ourselves when things didn’t turn out as expected. The wisest king in history wrote there is, “a time to weep and a time to laugh” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Be there for the tears as well as the celebrations even when it’s not your celebration. We need to stop entertaining the lie that we deserve certain things in life like healthy kids, a picture perfect house, and the perfect marriage.

Each day is a gift. Each life is different from the next, so live yours not someone else’s. Sometimes the best way to work through pain is to take the focus off yourself and be there for someone else. Cry with them in their pain but also be big enough to rejoice with them when something good is happening in their life even if that same thing isn’t happening in yours. Comparison often leads to jealousy and jealousy can lead to hatred of other people’s lives or even your own life. That tenth commandment about not coveting is there for a reason. God doesn’t want us looking around at other people’s things whether that be a well developing child or a perfectly decorated nursery and wish that it was ours. He gives daily grace to handle what life brings and that should be the focus, not alienating people from your life because they have what you wish you could.

Not to say that life is easy or that pain does not cut deeply. It does, so deeply sometimes. But, it’s not healthy to stay too long in that place of pain. Of course, it’s harder for someone who is struggling with infertility to rejoice with a friend who announces her third pregnancy, but what love when the person is able to do so. There aren’t easy answers at times. Of course we all wish for healthy children and financially secure lives, but Jesus said in John 16:33, “in this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have over come the world.” The first part of the verse says, “I have told you these things so that you may have peace.” Maybe those trouble will come now, or maybe they will come later down the road. The question is how will you handle it—with grace and peace or with bitterness? What will you learn from the painful times? Will your response inspire others up or push them way? The enemy wants us to think that we are in this alone. No one else can possible understand our pain, but that’s not true. When one part of the body of Christ is in pain the whole body feels it even down to the tiniest toe. That’s why we need each other. That’s why it’s important to weep together and also to laugh together.

Each situation is unique. Each special needs child has something to teach the world that only he or she can teach. Every financial struggle is a building block for later in life. Honestly, your children will remember your love and time spent together more then they will a cutely painted nursery decked out in pinterest’s latest.

Be YOU and let your friends be them. Your story, especially those painful parts, is unique. Live your life not someone else’s. Laugh through the fun parts and cry through the hard times. Let people cry with you and be open to rejoicing with them as well. It’s a way to heal your own heart. Don’t let the green eyed monster of jealousy take your eyes off the good things that your life has to offer which includes having the grace to rejoice with those around you.

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Filed under Contemplations, Parenting

Accidental Early Bird

Jet lag has me up before 5am. I’ve discovered that I’m only a morning person when adjusting for the first few days from jet lag. Funny enough as much of a night owl that I am I always seem to enjoy those early mornings when I am accidentally up and vow to make it more of a habit.

Those vows never seem to last very long though. There’s a beautiful clam as the purple clouds begin to rise and the birds chirp away. The street outside is quiet. Everything is still, and the rush of the coming day seems far enough away that it’s possible to enjoy just a few moments of peace—the peace of the unknown but promising day ahead, the peace of a subtle stillness that if tapped into can carry you through the day.

A new day. A fresh start with things yet to be discovered. Maybe I’ll remember how good this early morning feels and tap into it more often in the future (we’ll see). Or, maybe it will take another trip in order for me to enjoy a sunrise again. Either way, I’m here now and thankful to God for a new morning with new potential and new memories yet to be made.

Up with the birds

Up with the birds

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Filed under Contemplations, Travel

Starry, Starry Night

The kids were inside eating s’mores for the first time. It had been a crazy day so while our guests from the US (one of our volunteer’s parents) entertained the kids with sticky marshmallows the rest of us retreated to the front porch to steal some sweet silence out under the stars.

The generator had run out of gas so we watched the fading sunset in untainted silence and broke into the Reese cups that my parents had sent out. “It’s the little things,” Jason said as he enjoyed his chocolate. He was up visiting for the weekend and with 17 kids to take care of we always welcome having an extra set of hands to help out around the house.

I leaned my head back against one of the porch pillars and watched the stars appear. The kids were squealing in the background as they enjoyed their sticky treats. They brought us marshmallows toasted over the jico, and I thanked God that nothing had caught on fire.

Our semi-silence didn’t last long as the kids (now on a sugar high) joined us outside. They raced each other in the darkness, sang at the top of their lungs, and Zippi started telling us a story about how she was going to fly us all in a rocket up to the moon. Michelle climbed up on my lap with her fuzzy red blanket. She twisted her fingers in mine and as I looked down at those little fingers and then back up at the sky I thought, “this is life, and I won’t trade it for anything.”

Even with the sticky messes and problems that come with working with kids from difficult backgrounds, it’s so rewarding—seeing them grow, seeing them learn, seeing them realize that this is a stable home and it’s ok to just be yourself, seeing them take care of each other, seeing them understand the heart of God. Every minute is precious. Every day so full of purpose. I’ve found my place, my heart, my home. God creates everyone with a purpose a reason to be on this earth and when you find that purpose complete and fulfilled in the middle of a starry night it’s a beautiful thing. I know He has even more for me. I know this is a path, a journey with even more stories to write, but for now I’m content just to be where He has me. To wrap my fingers in His and to take in each moment one starry night at a time.

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Filed under Contemplations, Kenya

Cardboard Shelves

I finally have a little reading corner set up in my apartment. Even though I’ve lived here for six months now the place is still under construction, so I am not ready for any permanent shelving. But, I’ve really missed my books. Just seeing them out again helps me feel more settled. For my beloved books’ temporary home, I created some cardboard box shelves (covered in newspaper for a more finished look) and unpacked and dusted off some pictures to put on top.

Now my little corner, which is actually more like a section of the wall, is cozy with some color sprinkled in. I’m slowly starting to feel slightly more attached to this place. I’m not sure when I’ll have time to actually sit down and pick up a book, but I just feel better knowing that I can if I want to. Now maybe with my French books out in the open I’ll be more motivated to pick up them up once in awhile too.

I love reading corners, porch swings, and hammocks because they represent a place of rest, not sleeping per say, but a relaxed state of peace. Those moments can be hard to find in the midst of life’s demanding schedule, but they’re there. Eventually the clock reaches quitting time, chores and errands are finished, and it’s time to relax. My favorite part of the day is night time. Everything that had to be done is done and if not it will keep till tomorrow. I love the feeling when everyone else is asleep, the TV is off, and it’s just me and my thoughts. I hate going to bed because I want to hang on to that feeling as long as possible. I know it can’t last forever, but it is so satisfying while it does. The longer I linger the closer morning gets, so I finally let go—almost ready to face another day. At least I know it won’t last forever, and when it’s over my reading corner will be there.

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The Weather Outside

Three days into December, and it’s hard not to feel the nippiness. I’m not a fan of winter.  Growing up in central Africa showed me that life does not have to be this cold. But I’m here not there, and every time I step outside the icy chill reminds me that winter will be here for awhile.

This week I was driving home after scraping ice off the inside of the windshield of my car (not sure how that even happened), and as I turned the corner coming into town Christmas lights greeted me. Those white lights brought my cold heart some hope. “It’s going to be Christmas soon,” I thought, and suddenly the world didn’t feel quite as heartless.

The best thing about Christmas is it’s a warm glow in the middle of a harsh season. I don’t know if Christ was born on December 25th. Chances are he wasn’t, but I’m glad we celebrate His birth in December. Lights, togetherness, hot chocolate, and colored ornaments. Christmas music, gifts, and time set aside to remember the birth of the prince of peace.

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