Category Archives: devotional

Dengue Fever, Covid-19 and a Stranded Husband

Psalm 71

As I emerged from the fog of Dengue fever feeling much more myself but still tired, the rest of the world began bracing for the rapid spread of Covid-19. It feels strange to have PNG in a semi-normal state while other (more stable countries) are far from normal at the moment.

Like many parts of the world, PNG is currently under a state of emergency. But, honestly it has just been so quiet. I’m actually impressed with the country’s response as a whole. When the first case was confirmed, a two week lockdown period was put into place which included: no incoming international flights, no domestic flights, no gatherings of over 100 people, no buses running and no traveling from province to province without a permit. The two-week school holiday was moved up and many people stayed home from work. Large markets closed (or were very scaled back) and people were encouraged to stay home as much as possible while health workers did testing. A second case has now been confirmed, so that province (not the one where we live) continues to be in lockdown; but the rest of the country, while still under SOE, is no longer under lockdown. All that could change again as the days unfold and circumstances change quickly, but for now life has been simplified and is mostly just quiet.

Since PNG has had a chance to see what has worked and not worked in other counties affected by the virus it is encouraging to see the government take things serious from the get go and now easing things up a bit. Here in PNG there has not been so much of the mass panic buying that seems to be happening in other places; and, for the moment at lest, things are semi-normal.

Unfortunately, Simon was stuck up in Hagen as he had just traveled to the village a week before the ban on domestic flights was put into place. So the kids and I were in the capital city with prayers that he would be able to come home if the lockdown on domestic flights was lifted. Every day Trevor would take a ring off of his little count down chain and count the days until Daddy was coming back. I’ll admit it was not the easiest thing to be in the midst of lockdown while Simon was away. But, if there is one thing that I have learned during this time it is that God is so very faithful; and the active body of Christ is beyond beautiful. It is not until you are put in a situation where things are not going as planned that faith is really tested.

Times that shake your routine to such a level as they have been shaken over the last month often force you to take a step back and ask- what am I really leaning on right now for strength? Am I leaning more on my husband, my color-coded weekly schedule, my carefully crafted count down chain then I am on God? The collective world is learning a lot of lessons these days and one of the biggest lessons is that things change, and we are not in as much control as we think we are. Circumstances can change quickly and even the best planning can let you down in an instant. I’m very much a planner. I love when things follow the mapped out route that I have in my head, and I often stress when they don’t. Parenting has shown me that many, many things are actually out of my control; and it is a daily struggle for me to let that go of that control. When pandemics happen it becomes even clearer that we are not promised a stable future. We just have today. As Christ followers, we are told to pray for our daily bread and; we are promised peace because the God we serve is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

If we believe those promises-not just recite them but believe them, then it is wrong to continually live in fear and give into the mental “what ifs”. Now is the time more then ever to trust- trust the God who sees the future. Trust the God who knows the past. Trust the God who sees you in your struggles and promises to walk with you and provide for you as long as you seek His kingdom and His righteousness. Mathew 6:33 just happened to be my son Trevor’s memory verse last week. Now is a good time for each of us to be asking are we truly seeking first God’s kingdom? If so then we should not worry about tomorrow. If not, how can we adjust our lifestyles to do so?

While down with Dengue, I read these verses from Psalm 71:20-21, “You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.” We are not promised an easy life. In fact, sometimes it is in the most difficult days that God draws us closest to Himself, so let us not run from the suffering but rest in the one who promises comfort and restoration.

If there is one lesson I have learned from having Dengue fever, this Covid-19 lockdown and having Simon stranded in Hagen it is that we need each other. It is not easy asking for or accepting help, but we must do so. Allowing the body of Christ to minister to you and being the hands and feet of Christ to those around you is what can lift the burden of all of this heaviness. I could tell you so many stories of how people have blessed me beyond belief over the last month- emails of encouragement, a friend taking my busy preschooler for the morning so that I could really rest. The day before our city went into lockdown a friend asked me to send her my grocery list so she could pick up some things for me at the store. I responded that I really needed to go myself so that I could get out some cash (I literally had 20 Kina around $6 cash in the house, but she didn’t know that). She responded by saying that she had actually already taken some cash out for me last night. I about cried. The amount she ended up giving was more then I had planned to take out, so I was later able to bless several other people who have been financially affected by this lockdown.

We need each other. We need to be ok with people helping us, and we need to look for ways to bless those in our circle whom we can and feel led to bless. We need to trust God who sees our every need over trusting the government, family, or even our job. God is a loving God who abundantly cares for His children. There is no need to fear the future. He cares about even the smallest details. Halfway through our lockdown weeks, a couple from church stopped by the house with a boxed filled with snacks, rice, chicken and some veggies. Trevor loves his snacks so it was yet another reminder of God’s faithfulness. Another friend messaged that she had some food to share with us from a friend who had recently left the country leaving behind a fully stocked pantry. We pick up two huge bags of food from her and swung by the store for a few essentials while we were out. While shopping, Trevor wanted to add honey to the shopping cart. I told him not today. When we got home and unpacked the bags of food we had just been given there was a full, unopened jar of honey inside. Even though my husband was stuck in the village, my amazing friend Erica was not working during the two weeks of lockdown so she stayed with us and kept our little family sane. Thankfully, domestic flights started running again; and Simon was able to make it home last Tuesday.

I just wanted to share these few stories with all of you lovely people. I’m sure many of you have stories as well from this time of lockdowns, quarantines and just general uncertainty. I could share many, many more. God is so faithful- so very, very faithful; and it is during times of trouble that His faithfulness is often the most evident. May we each be a light in our little circles of influence today accepting help from those around us and offering help when and where we can do so.

 

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Filed under Contemplations, devotional, PNG

Ageless Compassion

Inspired by Psalm 25. Originally an acrostic poem in Hebrew.

All my trust I give to you, Oh Lord;

Because you are my God.

Can those who trust in you be disgraced? Never- you keep me from disgrace.

Do not let my enemies rejoice in my defeat.

Everyone who trusts in you will be safe from disgrace. It is those who practice deception that come to disgrace.

Following the path that you point out for me, that is my desire.

Guide me by your truth—teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.

Holding fast to your ageless compassion and love, Oh Lord, sustains me. .

Iniquity, the sins of my youth, blot them out forever. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love for you are good.

Just- Lord you are just- doing what is right. Teach me, a sinner, your ways.

Keep me humble. Guide me in what is right.

Lead me with your unfailing love and faithfulness as I obey your covenant.

May I always honor your name. Forgive my many, many sins.

Now, as I fear you, show me the path that I should choose.

Oh Lord, those who trust you will live in prosperity. Their children will inherit the land.

Please, Lord, confide in me. I reverently fear you. Teach me your covenant.

Quickly, rescue me from the traps of my enemies. My eyes are always on you.

Release your mercy on me. I am alone and in deep distress.

Save me from anguish. Rescue me from the problems that trouble my heart.

Take this pain away. See my troubles. Forgive my sin.

Under the eyes of my enemies I feel vicious hatred.

Vindicate me. Rescue me. Let me not be disgraced. I find refuge in you.

Where does my protection come from? Only from finding refuge in you.

eXamine me. My integrity and honesty protect me.

You Lord, are my hope.

Zion, may God ransom you from your trouble.

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Sufficient

There is something about a new baby that takes weakness to a whole new level. At least it does for me. Maybe it is the interrupted sleep or the vast amount of energy that nursing takes. Maybe it is the mental tiredness from trying to remember everything from wipes, blankets, water, snacks, diapers, stroller, extra outfit, and changing mat to finally making it out the door just to realize that your phone is still back at the house where you left it charging. Maybe it is the physical tiredness from lugging all that baby stuff around, or the tiredness of the recovery process from the actual birth. All I know is that it is a good thing babies are so mesmerizingly cute (even at 2 a.m.) because, wow, do they have a way of completely sucking up every ounce of energy that you have and then some.

A month before my sweet girl was born I wrote down my New Year’s resolutions which included- enjoy the new baby stage and enjoy the visit with my parents and brother (who crossed oceans to be with us while we welcomed baby number two). I remember thinking, “this will be the easiest New Year’s resolution ever,” haha! A month after my sweet girl was born I remember sitting at the Highlander Hotel sharing a goodbye meal with my family. Tears filled my eyes (I partially blame postpartum hormones) as I reflected on how I had failed to keep the easiest New Years resolution ever.

Allyson’s birth went so smoothly which, after her older brother’s birth (the story I couldn’t write), was my biggest prayer. Breastfeeding, on the other hand, did not go smoothly at all unlike it had with her brother. Just about every article you read about breastfeeding says the same thing- nursing should not be painful. But, just about every new mom you talk to says the same thing; initially nursing is often quite painful. Maybe her latch wasn’t the best. Maybe she had a tongue-tie. I don’t know. All that I know is that by day three it was painful, really painful. I knew that I wanted to continue because I love the convenience and health benefits of breastfeeding. Especially because, for me, living in a country where keeping bottles sterilized is not the easiest and refrigeration is not always a guarantee; breastfeeding gives me the peace of mind that trying to bottle-feed would not. So press on, I thought, things should normalize soon.

It was awful. I have never been someone that deals well with pain and this was a whole other level of pain. I ended up having repeated mastitis, multiple clogged ducts, two of which turned into abscesses (I did not even know that was a thing). At the worst point, I had to stop feeding my daughter on the side that was giving me so much trouble. One of the clogs was so bad that it broke into an open wound, which took two months to heal. (I won’t get into all the gory details, because it was pretty gory).  During the worst of it I was in a rural village with no hot shower, no close access to medical care and then my husband’s cousin passed away which meant a week long house cry and my husband needed to fly to the city to arrange for his cousin’s body to be flown back to the village for burial.

I was in so much pain I couldn’t even hold or hug my three-year-old because he would accidently bump my sore. I was so weak and tired yet still had late night feedings. During the few days that my husband was travelling, at night I kept telling myself, “just make it until 6 a.m.” At 6 a.m. I would go and stand out on the front porch of our house and hand the baby off to the first person who walked by (usually my brother-in-law or my mother-in-law) and go back to bed for an hour or so until someone brought her back to me to feed her again.

I do not think I have ever felt so weak in my life. I remember telling my husband at one point, while we were in the village, that I felt bad that my sister-in-law was coming by every few days to do all of our laundry (hand washed in the nearby river). His response was, “well, you can’t do it.” True statement. It is not easy being weak. As amazing as it is to have people jump in and help, I think it can be hard especially coming from a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” culture to let go and let people help. But, we need each other! I think that is one of the biggest lessons that weakness has to teach.

2 Corinthians 12:9 often came to my mind when I was praying for all the pain to just go away already. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Sometime God does allow for physical thorns to remain in our flesh. Painful, yes, but not without lessons to teach. Our bootstraps get broken. We are not meant to or able to be everything for our children all the time even when we wish that we could. Sometimes we are flat on our backs barely able to move and that is often when the beauty of community shines through the most.

In the midst of the mastitis struggles, I got a message from a friend asking if we had a wash machine. She later raised funds for us to purchase one and let me tell you after four years of hand washing clothes, when you have a baby in cloth diapers and a toddler who is potty training- a wash machine is an incredible gift. In the midst of the mastitis struggles, my amazing niece took care of my toddler so well that in the middle of the night he woke up calling for her not for me. In the midst of my mastitis struggles, my sister-in-law, who had a similar experience with her first born, prayed for me and we bonded on a whole new level. In the midst of my mastitis struggles and having to walk 45 minutes up a mountain just to get to the main road in order to get a ride into town to then drive on some very bumpy roads to get to a clinic I was reminded again just how needed a clinic is my husband’s village.

As healing has now happened, I come away with lessons learned in weakness- community is precious, we need each other, and there is more work to be done. Perhaps the lesson that sticks with me most is that God is there in the worst of it all. He is sufficient especially when we are at our weakest point. He is sufficient and that is enough.

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The Struggle is Real

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I’ve been slowly making my way through the Old Testament. I say slowly because if there is one thing I’ve learned about this whole parenting thing is that everything has a way of changing especially those precious few moments of quiet available (or should I say not so available). So, reading smaller chunks it is. But, maybe that is not such a bad thing because I find that I take a bit more time to really process what I am reading and do more meditating as opposed to just getting through the reading and on to the next part of the day.

One theme that continues to jump to the forefront as I have been reading is the idea of struggling. It first hit me with the meaning of the name Israel. The name given to Jacob after he physically wrestled with God. “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, (which means he struggles with God) because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome” (Genesis 32:28 NIV).  As a society, it seems that we frequently shy away from struggle. We love to overcome, but we don’t often want the struggle that goes with it. I remember hearing a pastor preach once and saying, “don’t pray for me to have more patience because I don’t want the trails that I will have to go through in order to be more patient.” He was joking, but was he really? Why is it that the minute that hard things come into our lives there is a tendency to pull back from God, to feel that we are being treated unfairly, to wish that we were not walking the rough path. It reminds me of a quote from the movie Fiddler on the Roof  when Tevye says to God, “I know, I know we are your chosen people, But, once in a while, can’t You choose someone else?”

“Please, God, choose someone else.” We might not admit it freely, but I think many of us think that in the back of our minds when it comes to walking a painful road. We often don’t care that it will make us a kinder, more compassionate, more understanding, more mature, more patient person. We would rather just stick to the soft grass.  But, the Old Testament is full of story after story of struggling—Abraham and Sarah’s struggle to have a child, Leah and Rachel two sisters struggling one because she did not feel loved by her husband and the other because she desperately wanted children and she wanted them now. Joseph was sold into slavery and then thrown into jail all because of a lie. Then, the growing nation of Israel struggled in slavery to the Egyptians for over 400 years. Clearly, struggle is a necessary ingredient for growth and character development.

But, we live in an Instagram, instant messenger society where we want the abs without the sweat of exercise, a magic pill to lose weight instead of the hard work of diet change. We want to be able to potty train a toddler in a day. We think we should have an amazing marriage but would rather walk away when things get hard instead of struggling through the hard work of learning to communicate properly, working through our own selfishness and learning to love when it is not easy. The idea of the importance of struggling is just not valued enough in modern society. But, any Olympic athlete will tell you that triumph does not come without struggle.

Maybe it is time to welcome more struggle into your life. I say this as much to myself as to anyone else. Instead of avoiding the hard stuff or camping out where you feel comfortable maybe God has something to teach in the midst of the struggles that come. The purpose of struggle is not to destroy or to overwhelm, but to take you to that next level in life that can only be reached through hardship. As the psalmist so eloquently puts it in Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (NIV). God promises not to leave us alone in those valleys. He does not want to bring us to a point of breaking or shutting down emotionally when those hard days come. Instead, He longs to comfort, to lead, to bring us through the struggle stronger and triumphant.

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