Monthly Archives: November 2012

Every Little Thing Gonna be Alright

“Do you worry a lot?” my friend asked. Before she could take a breath, I answered with an emphatic—YES. I worry about doing a good job, about pleasing people, about being able to get everything done. I worry about bills. I worry about what my life is going to look like five years from now. I worry about so many things most of which are completely out of my control. “Has it always been that way?” my friend continued. That time I answered no.

When I was a kid, I cared more about running in step with my best friend than winning the race we were both running in. We came in last place, but we were just two first graders having a good time. When I was younger, I don’t remember caring that much about what people thought of me or being overly concerned with what I looked like. Life was simple, and most people just let kids be kids.

Expectations seem to morph the older one gets. Grades suddenly become more important than what is being learned in the process. More and more emphasis starts being put on outward appearance and wearing the right clothes. With each year questions “like are you dating anyone?” “what do you plan on doing with your life?” and “are you married yet?” become more and more frequent. As long as you follow the traditional nine to five job with two kids and a dog pattern, no one seems to mind what you do with the rest of your life, but if there is any kind of variation people often don’t know what to do with you. It is easy to feel like some kind of enigma, and people’s approval becomes harder and harder to find. Different is rarely understood or excepted because, well, it’s different and people just don’t know what to do with that.

I’m learning (slowly) that it is impossible to please everyone. I know that in my head, but sometimes I still feel so pressured to try, that at the end of the day I feel like I am going crazy. I think I need to post the quote- “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” somewhere where I will see it at least five times a day.

But, to be completely fair, I am my biggest critic, and often the only person being hard on me is me. I think that has been the biggest change between childhood and now when it comes to how much I worry. I know worrying doesn’t help anything, but it is an easy trap to fall into. I need to step back, slow down, take a breath, tap into the simpler days, and take some time out to do the things that make me who I am.

Worry eats away at the mind, but it shouldn’t. It doesn’t have to, and it doesn’t help. Good, bad, or whatever the sun still comes up, situations change, and many times things work themselves out before they become  the huge problem you thought they would be. I’m working on letting go. Planning, but not overly worrying, and just learning to deal with each day as it comes in.

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One Year and Six Days

I was so excited last Monday to hit the one year anniversary of this blog. I had great plans to make some cupcakes to celebrate, take a picture, and then write an elegant post about how much this blogging experience of sharing thoughts through cyber space has meant to me, but I never found the time to do it justice. Monday turned into Tuesday, Tuesday into Wednesday and now all of the sudden it is Sunday night, and I still haven’t had the time write what I wanted to write.

I realize I have become so busy that I don’t seem to have time anymore for the important things. The things that make me who I am, the things that remind me that it is good to be alive, the things that will really matter at the end of my life. I love blogging because it forces me to stop and process life. Blogging is a connection and a way to feel and remember an experience or a thought. It has been one of my most important outlets this year when I just needed to interact with a thought or share a piece of the day.

This post is so much shorter than I originally intended but sometimes simple is best. Thank you to everyone who has stopped by the blog, left comments and likes, and interacted with a post through facebook. Your words mean more to me then you know. Thank you Lindsey for encouraging me to start blogging. You are a true friend and have been such an encouragement.

To be completely honest this last year has been one of the hardest years of my life, and I am glad that it is coming to a close. This blog has been one of the brighter spots, and I am thankful beyond any words that are coming right now for the chance to reach an audience outside of my current bubble and to connect with other people who also enjoy the art of writing and photography. I hope to simplify my life in the coming year and get rid of the things that are eating up my time and spend more of my day doing things that I actually care about. I want to look ahead not back and live each day in a way that matters.

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